I turned on
SLICE the other day. I don’t ordinarily watch SLICE because the programming is
aimed at older straight women. True, as I get older I do begin to resemble an
older straight woman -- although people do
insist on calling me ‘Sir!’, which I find incredibly unnerving -- unless, of
course, I’m in the backroom at The Eagle. At any rate, I don’t recommend you
turn on SLICE any day soon, unless you want to be frightened out of your wits.
They have a
new program called Golden Gays.
You heard it here first!
Be afraid: be very afraid.
My own personal fear of Golden Gays has absolutely nothing to do
with my terror of aging! Well maybe just a little bit. As I approach sixty-one,
let me tell you, the whole kit and caboodle seems perilously close to ending at
any moment. So yes, I will admit that
the prospect of watching gay men of a ‘certain age’ cavorting about on TV, reminds
me far too much of my own mortality.
But my profound fear of the show is
for a reason other than that.
I am not the only one who fears Golden Gays. Lots of my younger friends are also terrified
of it. But they still find themselves drawn to it -- like a car accident on the
401.
What is it
about Golden Gays that both haunts
and entices us?
Let’s have
a closer look.
Being old and gay, is apparently
quite a jolly thing; especially in Palm Springs. The lives of the ‘golden gays’
revolve around– money, real estate, getting new photos taken, and ‘true love.’ And certainly the central characters are
loveable and recognizable enough – two older self-identified bears who insist
on hugging each other at the drop of a hat, and are conflicted about whether or
not to sell their gay guest house or ‘hold onto that dream.’ Then there is the young woman trying to
borrow money from her best friend who doesn’t want to lend it to her, but does
anyway. And the 70 year old who is trying on new hats because he has found someone
42 years younger than himself with whom he is ‘in love.’ And last but not least, the old queen who
puts on funny hats and ‘performs’ in a bar for his friends.
Let me tell you, it isn’t so much
that I object to this cavalcade of witless, charm-free lightweights, as that I
am frightened by how willing television seems to be to celebrate the sheer innocuousness
of their sexless, inconsequential lives. (Sure there are lots of heterosexual
boobs on reality network TV shows – pun intended – but they are balanced out by
all the serious-minded, grown-up-but-not-aged sexual straight folks that
populate HBO dramas.)
What
frightens me is that a few years ago there was a show on TV called Queer as Folk, which (whether you enjoyed
the show or not) featured -- not the nostalgic tales of endearing retirees -- but
contemporary stories of young queers having lots of sex and living the prime of
their lives.
So what
happened?
The message queers are receiving these
days from mainstream culture is this: ‘We are ready to accept gays and lesbian
with open arms only if they are not having sex and not doing anything besides planning
their retirement.
Think I’m exaggerating?
Witness the two much lauded
‘outings’ of the last six months.
Jodie Foster finally decided to
come out as a ‘single person’ at the ripe old age of 50 -- after 47 years in
the film business.
Wow.
Jason Collins boldly came out at
the ripe old age of 35 – which is when most basketball stars retire.
Double wow.
I wonder why they both waited so
long?
Maybe because they were finally
old enough and past-their-prime enough that people could handle it. (And besides, their former careers were basically
over, anyway.)
Which makes me think that even
though everybody seems to think that we’ve come a long way baby – is that
really true?
Or that just the way it seems?
